This is Depression

By Paige Guffey

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered where you went? Because all you see is sadness, anger, emptiness or loneliness. A shell of a person who used to genuinely smile.

Have you ever been in the middle of a crowd or surrounded by family, yet felt so alone? A deep, soul-wrenching loneliness.

Have you ever woken up and wished you hadn’t? And, you wished you hadn’t with a passion so deep that it shakes you to the core; it terrifies you.

Have you ever felt so empty that you don’t even know if you’re alive? Like you’re a black hole that is eating every emotion, but you can’t feel anything.

Have you ever laid in bed wondering if your family, your children, would be happier without you? Because you feel like you are this giant burden that is dragging everyone around you down and nothing you do is right anyways.

Have you ever asked yourself why? Why me? Why is this happening? Why do I feel this way? What can’t I just snap out of it?

This is depression at its finest. It’s dark and light. It’s happy and sad. It’s crying one moment and being angry, so angry, the next. It’s putting on a smile to mask the pain. It’s playing with your children as if you hadn’t just been in the bathroom crying. It’s a Black Hole that sucks the life out of you until you don’t even know who you are anymore. It’s like drowning, you’re sinking into an ocean of pain and you can’t breathe and you can’t get to the surface.

And, you can’t explain it. Because you’re scared. You’re terrified that no one will understand. That they’ll judge you. They’ll think you’re crazy. But you’re so scared all of the time of what will come next. What if you don’t get better? What if it never ends?

This is Depression.