The Images of Depression By Ellie Satre

Image Description: The pencil sketch depicts a bloodied hand holding a mirror shard reflecting the skull of the beholder. In my mind, this is what depression looks like. It is something that on the outside you only look hurt – maybe a little bloodied. However, when you look upon yourself, you feel nothing, a void that feels so close to death. My sketch depicts the morbidness and the pain that clinical depression can cause in a person and that it can be anyone.

Just see me

Just See Me
By Ellie Satre

Sometimes I wish I could just die.

It seems so easy…

…the flick of a switch…
…the push of a button…

If only it were as easy as closing your eyes

I don’t really understand it—
practically never, if I’m being truthful.

The voices.
So many voices,
myself but not at all.

The weight,
a monster

pulling

down

my spirit.

Not a comforting weight
like a dog on your lap,

but a deadly weight

that drags,

slowing you down,

whispering

you’re not good enough,

you’d be better off dead.

SHUT UP!

That’s what I tell it,
but it doesn’t listen.

“You’re fine. Just sleep it off.”

That’s what others say,
but they don’t understand.

“I’ve been sad before. What’s the difference?”

I try to explain:
I can’t catch my breath,

all these worries

(Image description: The outline of the vessel is formed by the phrase “Filling my body to the brim” curving along the bottom and sides. The “steam” rising from the top and the entire center of the cup are filled with the word “Worries” repeated many times in various fonts, sizes, and orientations, creating a cluttered and overwhelming visual effect.)

“If this is how you feel
I don’t know how to help you.
Just suck it up, ig.”

Little do you know
you make the tears heavier
and the weight more painful.

I can’t stop it,
but you keep making it worse.

If I don’t know how to explain it,
just be there for me.
Don’t belittle me.
Don’t think of me as less.

“Oh pobrecito.”

I don’t need your pity.
I have monsters, just like you—
they just speak louder
and weigh more.

My feelings are real.
You might not see it on the outside.
I might hide it with a mask,

but it’s cracking
more and more every day.

It’s not always bad,
but it’s still real.

Just see me for who I am.
I beg of you.

About the Author

Image Description: A young woman with short, dark hair and a slight smile poses outdoors. She is wearing a light blue ribbed tank top with thin black straps, a black choker necklace with a silver snake pendant, and a smartwatch. The background shows a shallow, rippling body of water with a sandy bottom.

Artist Bio: My name is Ellie Satre. I’m currently an 18 year old freshman at Indiana University Indianapolis. I’m currently studying Biology and Forensic Science so that I may go to Med School to become a forensic pathologist. While I don’t have a physical disability, I have struggled with anxiety and depression for years. I have struggled with suicidal ideologies and I used to put up with those that wouldn’t help, listen, or understand. Now, I choose to surround myself with those that are willing to listen and those who are willing to understand and help. I believe that everyone deserves respect and for their voices to be heard. Mental disabilities can be greatly overlooked and put off as something that doesn’t matter as much because it’s “all in the head.” The only thing that does it make the voices louder. Everyone deserves a voice. Everyone deserves care. With my whole heart, I believe this.