“Letters I never sent to you” by Cierra Olivia Thomas Williams.
The series revolves around the artist’s exploration of her experiences with violence and her attempts to communicate those experiences to an important person in her life. The series consists of one piece in transition, creating several artworks, each depicting different emotions and themes related to the artist’s trauma.
The first piece, titled “Gaslighted,” is a pencil and charcoal close-up self-portrait of the artist’s eyes and nose. It represents the moment when she reached out to the person she expected to love and support her, only to be met with disbelief and accusations of fabricating stories.
The second piece, called “Unsent,” features a self-portrait of the artist’s crying face against a black background. The word “LISTEN” floats in the artwork, while ripped-up letters that were never sent to the person are collaged into the piece. The text fragments express the artist’s desperate attempt to convey the truth about her experience with sexual violence and her struggles with its aftermath.
The third piece, titled “Suffer,” shows the transformation of the artist’s face from pain to rage, eventually turning into a black bear. The artwork incorporates Miwok words, representing descriptive terms for various aspects of the environment. The bear symbolizes the artist’s intense emotions and the anger she feels at not being believed.
In the final transformation, depicted in “Bear Eating People,” the artist’s sad self-portrait is consumed by red, yellow, and black shadow fingers. The Miwok term for “bear eating people” replaces the word “listen,” symbolizing the artist’s transition into a vengeful bear that represents her rage and frustration at the lack of belief and support she encountered.
Gaslighted
Media: Pencil and charcoal close-up self-portrait of my eyes and nose. I called the person who should love me the deepest and told them what happened. They said I was making up stories.
Unsent
Media: Charcoal, pencil, and collaged words, images, unsent letters, and a recycled 2021 calendar A self-portrait of my face crying. The word LISTEN floats on a black background with my crying face being pulled into the darkness by red and black fingers. The text is made up of words from ripped up letters I never sent her. The pieces of letters say, “This is no lie. It was sexual violence. Crisis. I can’t decide how it makes me as an adult person. Manic again, scary, unthinkable. Not neurotypical skills. And this is what I remember.” There is a winding stairway from my temple and my chin. At the end of the spiral stairs at the bottom of the piece are boats facing away from the pain.
Suffer
Media: Charcoal and pencil, photography. The transformation of my face from pain to rage, from human to black bear. Miwok words are filled with descriptive terms for things found in the environment that you might encounter and interact with. For example, you may come across a hairy bear, or a lazy bear. Yosemite is the word for murderous bear.
Bear Eating People
Media: Charcoal and pencil, photography. In its final transformation, suffer. My face is overcome with red, yellow, and black shadow fingers-pulling on me. The Miwok word for “bear eating people,” or “Hutcumi,” appears where the word listen once appeared. My sad self-portrait is transforming into a murderous bear to express the rage I feel at not being believed.
About the artist
Cierra Olivia Thomas-Williams is a fat and sassy thoyewa (disabled) Miwok cisgender assa (woman) with salt and pepper hair. She is smiling into the camera and is wearing a pink floral shirt in the picture. Cierra is a survivor of poly violence with CPTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder and is on the bipolar spectrum. Cierra is a Prevention Specialist at Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence, where she co-founded Indiana Disability Justice.
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