Domestic Violence Prevention, Disabilities, and Caregivers

Domestic Violence Prevention, Disabilities, and Caregivers

In an effort to create a safe space to read about an uncomfortable topic, like domestic violence, I want to ask you to close your eyes for a moment and envision what it might take to eliminate violence.  Take some deep calming breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth, feeling your diaphragm expand as you fill with the good and contract as it expels the bad, and read on when ready…

Domestic Violence is a terrible thing that comes in many different forms; physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual, marital, parental, verbal, sensory, etc. It’s violence in the home, it’s violence at the hands of someone you trust, someone you rely on, someone you may love. In every relationship the potential for violence exists. It may come from the caregiver, it may come from the person receiving care, or it may come from both. Intentional domestic violence is easily recognizable as evil, but unintentional domestic violence is something else entirely, and potentially even more traumatizing as it is unexpected and uncontrolled. Both must be prevented.

How do we prevent domestic violence and reduce isolation? Through support, engagement, and open communication and creating safe spaces. No one should ever feel as though they are alone and have no one to talk to. If they are trying to speak up, no one should ever feel as though no one cares or no one is listening. People with disabilities, including conditions of aging that most will experience later in life, are among the most vulnerable to domestic violence. Our disabilities, if left unsupported through accommodation, can isolate us. It is through supported independence that this population is best equipped to prevent such violence before it occurs.

Disabilities can impact communication and emotional responses as much as they impact mobility, sensory experience, and functionality. Those closest to people with disabilities are often the most aware of how they have adapted to accommodate these challenges in a world that was not designed from the start to be accessible. Our loved ones are often the most capable in supporting our independence, including our ability to speak out about our own needs, including our own safety and treatment from others. Our friends, congregations, and close community members are often those most sensitive to our wants, desires, needs, limitations, and safety accessing social engagement. These people are not just our friends and family, they are our Caregivers, and their support helps us maintain our independence as active members of our families and community. Sometimes the people with the disabilities are the Caregivers too.

Fighting against isolation comes with most disabilities and conditions of aging. It is sometimes easiest to stay home, especially as the impacts of the disabilities and age progress; but the less engaged we are with our community, the more vulnerable we become. As our community shrinks, those closest to us must naturally provide additional support, or we adapt but take on more than we should ourselves, sometimes at physical risk. Regardless of what disability you have, the lack of social interaction takes an emotional toll, potentially leading to outbursts that can become violent themselves. Those who are providing support, sometimes the only person providing support, without respite care can easily become overwhelmed. Leading to potentially violent outbursts as well. The care relationship can become toxic.

Frustration leads to anger, anger leads to aggression, aggression leads to suffering. Someone who needs daily assistance with personal hygiene, being vulnerable to receive support from someone they love and trust, unintentionally becomes a victim of sexual assault because that person wiped or cleaned too aggressively. Someone who needs mobility assistance becomes the victim of physical abuse because the person assisting them unintentionally injures them by rushing, being rough, or not paying attention to their safety during a transfer. A loved one becomes the victim of unintended verbal abuse because the person with the disability’s frustration reaches a breaking point and there’s no one equipped to hear it.  An aging immigrant who must rely on a visiting nurse who doesn’t speak their language fluently becomes a victim of neglect, suffering emotional abuse due to the barriers in communication and culture.  Instances of unintended domestic violence, fueled by uncontrolled emotion, can have lasting traumatic impact on the people involved and their relationships going forward.

Getting Support, Removing Toxic Stress

Maintaining connection with a supportive community of Caregivers, including close family, is the best way to prevent this toxic care environment from developing, and provides support to guard against the violence if it begins to develop. In today’s world of pressing fast paced social and work demands it can be a challenge for those who want to help to make the time. Many people wind up isolated from their would-be caregivers for these reasons too, and don’t even speak up when they need help because they don’t want to be an inconvenience or a charity case. Ultimately this could lead to institutionalization, which opens a whole new door to potential structural or systemic violence.

However, many don’t know that if you are eligible for Medicaid Waiver services, there is a service that can help you establish a supportive network of Caregivers by providing compensation for the non-skilled services that they provide. Many people with disabilities and conditions of aging don’t apply for Medicaid Waiver services because they assume they won’t qualify without exploring it. Advocates Personal Care, an approved Medicaid Waiver service provider, is seeking to employ family and community Caregivers of Medicaid Waiver eligible people with disabilities and/or conditions of aging. Offering a starting wage of $13 an hour for services that they may already be providing to someone close to them. If someone is unsure if they qualify for Medicaid Waiver Services, or doesn’t know where to start, or what questions to ask, Advocates is able to assist with navigating that process.

Advocates Personal Care can be contacted by text or phone call at (317)527-4251, or online at https://advocatescare.com/get-started/

Having paid Caregivers through Medicaid Waiver services helps people with disabilities and conditions of aging maintain their independence in their own homes by ensuring appropriate supportive care when needed. As the caregiver is receiving payment for the time that they are providing services, it becomes easier for the Caregiver to reduce work hours or sacrifice personal time if necessary. A Consumer of Medicaid Waiver services can have more than one paid family or community caregiver, allowing the supportive services to be shared by the Consumer’s community. Having paid Caregivers as employees of Advocates Personal Care allows for better coordination and engages the provider, Advocates, as oversight and another layer of protection in the event a care relationship becomes toxic.

Caregivers must clock-in and document their time, and Advocates Personal Care must follow-up to ensure the care provided is what the Consumer needs and wants, giving the Consumer the control over what services they are receiving and from whom. Advocates is able to provide non-skilled services to any Medicaid Waiver eligible person with disabilities or conditions of aging throughout the state of Indiana, as long as the Consumer has enough potential Family and Community Caregivers to ensure consistent care when needed, including backup if an expected Caregiver is unavailable.

Some examples of non-skilled services are meal planning & preparation, laundry & light housekeeping, grocery shopping & community-based errands, medication organization & reminders, socialization & safety, mobility & transfer assistance, assistance with hygiene, eating, and other activities of daily living. If you are a person with disabilities or a senior citizen who relies on support with these types of activities to maintain your independence in your home, or if you are providing this kind of supportive care to someone close to you who may be eligible for Medicaid Waiver Services, contact Advocates Personal Care to learn more.

Advocates Personal Care, (317)527-4251, https://advocatescare.com/get-started.

Written by: Jeremy K. Warriner – Accessibility, Hospitality, & Outreach Consultant; Inspirational Speaker; CEO & Founder of Walking Spirit & Spirit Therapies, LLC.

Jeremy Warriner

Jeremy Warriner is an Indianapolis native, Black Belt in Shorei-Goju Ryu Karate, with a degree in Consumer and Family Sciences from Purdue University emphasizing in Hospitality and Tourism Management.  He worked as an Operations Director and Assistant General Manager across multiple brands and markets in the Hospitality industry for over a decade.  In 2005 Jeremy sustained severe burns in a car accident that required the amputations of both legs from above each knee.  This traumatic event led Jeremy to redefine his path as he accepted his newly added identity as a person with disabilities.  Whether walking on technologically advanced prosthetic legs or utilizing a wheelchair, Jeremy is an active member of his community, charter member of the international Rotary Club for World Disability Advocates, and founder of Walking Spirit & Spirit Therapies, LLC which provides Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion assessment, consulting, and training from a Disability Lens.  Jeremy’s current project is adapting Karate to his disability.  He can be reached through his website at https://www.walkingspirit.org, or by email at jeremy@walkingspirit.org.             

RAmys LoveMyPurses: An Unique Mom Overcoming the Hurdles of Disability Anxiety By Amy Yost

Amy Yost wearing one of her amazing purses. Amy has short blonde hair, wearing a green shirt. The large blue purse hangs across her body. It has colorful word bubbles with words like pow and zap. She is standing in front of a powers machine.

My name is Amy Yost. I’m 43 and have 2 children. I have struggled all my life with chronic pain, anxiety, mathematics anxiety, and big crowds anxiety. So I grew up learning to mind control my pain.

I haven’t been able to hold a regular job due to my chronic leg pain and anxiety. In 2000 my mom taught me how to sew by hand. I was never allowed to touch her sewing machine though ❤️. However when she passed away in 2005, I inherited all her crafting supplies.

In 2016, I bought my first sewing machine. I wanted to make a purse to fit my cellphone. I couldn’t find what I was looking for. So why not make one?

So I YouTubed the brand of my machine and watched a video on how to use all the features. Then I watched a video on how to make a purse. Well… I was not great at math at all, and the instructions to put it together were confusing to me. So I looked around my house for something square to trace around as a pattern. Ah ha.. cereal box!

So that’s how it began . I had all my mom’s supplies and she had a rubber stamp collection. One of the stamps fell out of a box with some fabric . That stamp is now use in all my purses.

The best journeys are not always in straight lines.

Ain’t that the truth. So when you look inside one of my RAmys LoveMyPurses, it’s stamped and signed by me .

So I ended up making that purse, then in 2016 I had my son. So I took a break on crafting. I started painting on canvas. That was different because of having to stand to paint and because it was messy. In 2019 I needed a new purse and got out my machine and made myself one and posted it on Facebook. I had lots of people wanting one so I made more purses.

These purses feature multiple colors, and each contains multiple pockets.

it’s a struggle muffin when you have Chronic leg pain, with all the sitting and pushing the peddle foot to run the machine. But I push through it because I want to make purses.

From 2019 to present I have gotten so many good compliments on my purses. They are organized with awesome pockets. I try to make a pocket to fit your cellphone and a place to hang your keys. I make them crossbody/shoulder. Some are big enough to fit a book, a small tablet and other items. My purses usually have 6 to 9 pockets.

I uses snaps and Velcro to make them unique. I don’t really make any two alike. However much fabric I have, I will eyeball the size and cut it out free hand as I go.

I don’t sew straight, but that’s part of the journey I’m on. My purses are cute and really a statement piece to your everyday. I use holiday fabrics or really any kind of cotton fabric to make them.

I also have done a few custom purses. I cut a lady’s dress up and made her a purse. I tie-dye muslin fabric.

I am currently getting help with Vocational rehabilitation, I also sell purses and Tie dye T shirts at the common market on 8th Street in Muncie, IN.

My boyfriend came up with my business name. RAmys is for my 2 children, who have R names, and the Amy is my name. The phrase “love my purses” comes from my daughter when she had a handful of purses I made and said, “love my purses, mommy. “ So we call them RAmy (Ray-mes) Love My Purses.

I found a sewing machine that sews itself. I just push a button and guide it. My legs still hurt and fall asleep. I haven’t set up anyplace like flea market because I have anxiety with money and covid. So that has slowed by business down. I usually sale my purses through word of mouth. I have used Facebook marketplace . I have shipped to Michigan, Tennessee, Arizona, and in Indiana.

If you would like to purchase one of these amazing purses, go to’RAmysLoveMyPurses on Instagram or find Amy Yost on Facebook.

Website: ramyslovemypurses.com (still under construction)
Email: Amy@ramyslovemypurses.com

Business card for RA LoveMyPurses

Prevention Spotlight: Nicole Kass Colvin

Disability Justice and Violence Prevention Spotlight: Nicole Kass Colvin

Indiana Disability Justice periodically highlights collaborators and partners across the country who are centering people with disabilities and disability justice in the work to end violence. We hope that you will read all about Nicole Cass Colvin who is practicing at the Ohio Alliance to End Sexual Violence. In this interview Nicole walks us through what disability justice means in her practice and where the field could use improvement and redirection.

Ohio Alliance to End Sexual Violence

The Ohio Alliance to End Sexual Violence serves as Ohio’s rape crisis coalition. State sexual assault coalitions serve as the main training and technical assistance provider for rape crisis centers on best practices in programming and administration, and they advocate on behalf of rape crisis centers and the survivors they serve in public policy advocacy efforts at the state and federal levels.

Where you practice primary prevention & disability Justice? I work with the Ohio Alliance to End Sexual Violence where our mission is “As Ohio’s statewide coalition, OAESV uses an anti-oppression lens to advocate for comprehensive responses and rape crisis services for survivors and to empower communities to prevent sexual violence.” As the Coordinator of Community Responses at OAESV, I primarily work with Sexual Assault Response Teams (SART) and Coordinated Community Response Teams (CCRT) across Ohio’s 88 counties, which may be seen as intervention, but I believe can be vital in primary prevention. SARTs and CCRTs are spaces where we can explore making our communities as safe and cared for as possible, and have people at the table to make change happen. Often this looks like focusing around the community level, but communities can get creative with it and really make impacts that span across levels.

What do you like to do for fun? Hobbies?

Read a lot of fantasy novels, listen to a lot of podcasts, get outdoors, explore the arts, and spend time with my chihuahua pug, Rizzo.

I am a white cis-female, nearly 30, with medium length wavy hair and big burgundy cat-eye style glasses. In this picture, I am smiling, have on red lipstick, a beige and gray sweater, and have my arm on my hip.

About Nicole

After studying psychology, I started in the anti-violence field in 2015 as a legal advocate in rural Alaska. Since then, I’ve gotten to work with some disability-serving agencies, and with building up a new sexual assault program in Indiana. Currently, I work as the Coordinator of Community Responses at the Ohio Alliance to End Sexual Violence. I live in Ohio, but in my town, one side of the street is Indiana and the other side of the street is Ohio, so I feel very passionate about addressing sexual violence and oppression in both Indiana and Ohio. Email: colvin@oaesv.org

What does disability justice mean to you as you practice primary prevention?

Primary prevention is about creating a world where sexual violence doesn’t exist or is unconscionable. We know that sexual violence can happen to anyone, and we know that sexual violence is a tool of power and control that thrives in the midst of inequity, lack of accessibility, and oppression. As a society and as an anti-violence movement, we don’t adequately care for people with disabilities. Due to the ways that our systems are structured, people with disabilities are disparately impacted by inadequate income, housing, education, food stability, or care, and even more so throughout the pandemic.

Primary prevention is also about centering, empowering, and uplifting people with disabilities. Speaking to my own mistakes in this field, how often do we put outreach to disability-serving organizations on the to-do list and never get to it? How often do we do prevention programming, with curriculum made for, by, and presented to neurotypical people without disabilities? How often do we as organizations have requirements for staff and volunteers that may exclude or drive out people with disabilities? With the help of my incredible colleagues at OAESV (shout-out to Olivia Montgomery, Sarah Ferrato, and Caitlin Burke!), I’ve learned that if we really want to practice primary prevention, we have to let go of the idea that we need to “reach specific communities” (which tends to mean our services are designed around a specific population – likely a population that we are most comfortable with), and rather be intentional in each and every thing that we do to ensure that we are really being proactive about ending violence to those most impacted by it. For me, this has been a reframing. Instead of “maybe consider having disability-serving agencies on your SART” or “here are some tips on a specific subject, and by the way, here’s how to make it accessible”, we might reframe it as “let’s explore how sexual violence most impacts your community, hear directly from survivors most impacted, and build our systems and resources off of that information.”

Notable quotable from my colleague Sarah who assisted me with primary prevention aspects of this post: “Primary prevention cannot happen if we don’t ensure that marginalized folks are included in the brainstorming, decision-making, and implementation processes of education and outreach. Shifting social norms includes shifting community attitudes about who deserves safety, dignity, and respect. If the answer isn’t a resounding ALL PEOPLE, we cannot begin to address the ‘how.’”

Primary prevention also means taking a hard look at our communities and our services and both talking about and engaging in actionable steps to make them more equitable, accessible, and accepting. This can be as big as changing systems, and as small as having conversations with folks in our communities about how different actions and words impact our neighbors with disabilities. It can even mean asking for someone’s Venmo, CashApp, or PayPal to give some extra cash to help them meet a need or compensate them for emotional/intellectual labor.

Does anything about primary prevention need to change to bring disability justice to the world?

Yes – I don’t think there are enough conversations about disability justice within primary prevention. Again, I think we often design things based on a specific population and then as an afterthought add in “others.” For primary prevention to be truly effective, especially around disability justice, we need to be thinking of intersectionality. This also means we need to be creating environments where people with disabilities are included in giving and receiving primary prevention, including exploring the barriers that our organizations have that may impact people with disabilities in employment, volunteering, or consulting. It also means being intentional about recruiting volunteers, employees, leadership, and consultants. Some examples include exploring education (or even heavy lifting!) requirements in job postings, providing employees with plenty of Paid Time Off and other benefits, and paying people for their emotional and intellectual labor.

Additionally, I know I often thought of primary prevention as doing school programming, teaching consent, building developmental assets, etc. These are all great things (find out more about needed changes to these aspects of primary prevention here).  However, it’s not the full picture of primary prevention, which also means actively building equity and bridges over barriers, both in our communities and in our systems. We also need to be more open about ableism, eugenics, and social Darwinism in our current state. People with disabilities are not disposable and if we really want to live out our missions within the anti-violence field, we need to be active in centering our care.

Do you have a favorite prevention activity or strategy you use to achieve disability justice?

I participated in a training a few years back where a ground rule was “Step Up/Step Back” (please note that this language is unintentionally ableist and Make Space/Take Space is an alternative with more inclusive language), meaning if you are someone who is normally really quiet, to challenge yourself to speak up in the training, and if you’re normally more talkative to let others speak. I think of this often in terms of primary prevention, anti-oppression work, and disability justice. I like to incorporate intentionality and pause and think, “Do I have something to add here that people need to hear, or is it a time for me to pause and make space?” Often in terms of disability justice, this is a balance of speaking up in spaces where my voice may be received because of my power, privilege, or relationships, and de-centering myself where my presence may be more disempowering to people with disabilities. My advocacy work and collaboration with IDJ have shown me how important it is to center people with disabilities – “nothing about us without us.” In my advocacy, this often looks like hearing what survivors with disabilities are saying and when they feel safe to be centered, it can be a conversation of, “Hey, would you want to get involved with IDJ?”

What are some resources that you have created or that you just love that you want to share (articles, toolkits, etc.)?

There are so many resources that I love but a few favorite or recent resources relevant to disability justice include:

Are you available for consulting?

I don’t do private consulting at this time, but do provide training and technical assistance across Ohio. I highly recommend working with and paying consultants, especially people with disabilities; Black, Indigenous, and People of Color; and survivors.

Some of my favorite consultants/places to connect with consultants at this time include:

  • Indiana Disability Justice (indisabilityjustice.org, indisabilityjustice@gmail.com)
  • Sexual Assault Advocacy Network (saancommunity.org)
  • Ohio Women of Color Caucus
  • Olga Trujillo (olgatrujillo.com)
  • Bianca Laureano (biancalaureano.com)
  • Olivia Montgomery and Breanna Allen (livwoke.com, livwoke@gmail.com)

How can people reach you? ncolvin@oaesv.org

Expressing Through Tattoos

Hello my Name is Alejandro Nuñez (Alex)

 

I work at the Courtyard By Marriott in downtown Muncie, and I’m a Volunteer Firefighter

 

I want to share my tattoos with everyone and tell you what they mean to me.

The first tattoo is a firefighter tattoo. The tattoo is a fire shield with an American flag. It’s outlined with a thin red line.

 

The next tattoo is another firefighter tattoo. This tattoo is what I call my 9/11 tattoo because every year I go to a firefighter conference in Indy, and i take part in a 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb at Lucas Oil Stadium. I climb 110 stories/2,200 step, which is the same number of steps and stories that the firefighters had climbed on that day. The tattoo displays a firefighter praying on one knee with an axe and a helmet. The American flag is behind him. The number 343, which is on the helmet, is how many firefighters died in the trade center on 9/11.

My next tattoo is my cerebral palsy tattoo, which is a green ribbon with wings and the word hope underneath the ribbon. I have cerebral palsy.  I’m unable to use my right hand,  and i wear an AFO on my right leg. I decided to get the word hope because hopefully someday there will be a cure for cerebral palsy.

My next 3 tattoos are on my left arm:  

 

The first one is of a roman numeral, which represents my sister’s birthday- 09-07-92. This was my very first tattoo. My sister and I are close so we decided to get our birthdays tattooed on each other. She got my birthday (10-28-95) tattooed on her arm as well.

 The second one is a heart with headphones around it with a heartbeat rhythm in the middle, I got this one because I listen to music wherever i go.  It keeps me calm when I feel like I’m getting frustrated about things.

 

The third one is my semicolon tattoo. I got this one because i deal with depression and suicidal thoughts. I decided to get this one to remind myself that everything is going be okay. The text i got with it is “when we suffer we find the will to live.”

The next tattoo is a  diamond shape tattoo with is one half is in the day time and the other half is in the night time. I got this one because sometimes I’m up all night, and sometimes I’m up all day.   .

The next tattoo is my Johnny Cash tattoo. I got this one because I’m a Johnny cash fan. The tattoo is his face, and in the middle is him with his guitar walking down the road.

The next tatto is also musical. This one has the play, paused, stop and replay  Buttons like on an Ipod or Mp3 player. Play the moments. Paused the memories. Stop the pain. Replay the happiness.

 

The last tattoo is another music tattoo. The tattoo says “Words fail, Music speaks.”. I got this one because sometimes we listen to songs that just know how we feel.

 

That’s all of my tattoos. Thank you for letting me share with you the meaning of my tattoos.

This is a picture of Alex. He’s wearing a tan and yellow firefighter suit with black gloves. He has short dark hair and a confident expression on his face. Alex is standing next to a fire truck.